Firstly, we’d board at South Shields harbour (near Newcastle) because cruises always seem to go from the south! No flight please as my husband is a fly phobic. We’d then sail on to Southampton (to pick all of the other passengers up). My cabin would be on the top deck at the very rear of the ship and would have a huge wrap around balcony with lounge chairs, a hot tub and a private telescope for looking out to sea at the other ships and far off lands. We’d have butler service in our cabin for meals and drinks as required and would receive an exclusive tour of the ship by the captain (when we were docked obviously!). In the evenings we’d be served by lamplight on our balcony with private nightly concerts from Catherine Jenkins, harpist Hannah Stone, Escala, Jools Holland, the Welsh male voice choir and George Michael (this one is for my husband). The route would be across the Atlantic stopping off at small secluded Islands on the way, followed by overnight docking in Miami Beach where we would take in the strip. The following morning we’d sail on a 14 day tour of the Caribbean with stops including Jamaica, Virgin Islands and Dominican Republic. We’d laze on the beach each day and sip cocktails and swim in the warm green blue sea. We’d cross the Panama Canal then take in Costa Rica, San Salvador and several stops in Mexico where we’d visit coffee and banana plantations and pick up some cheap tequila. Of course we would stop off at Los Angeles for an overnight stay where we’d be driven from the ship by a limousine, driven by Snoop Dog, who’d take us for a night on the tiles and we’d attend an Eminem concert with a private after show party back on board ship. The following day we’d leave for a 3 week tour of the Hawaiian Islands with several overnight stops on each one. Here we’d relax and enjoy warm starry nights camped out in beach huts (with working toilets) and a private bar and his and hers hammocks. Then at the end of it all we would turn around and do it all over again on the return journey home.